I’ve been playing Land of Eem with my kids for a few sessions and I’m trying to embrace the absurdist combination of Lord of the Rings meets the Muppets. Leveraging the idea of writing placeholders and coming back to develop them later from my last post, when I was writing up my last set of session notes I had the idea for a tiny troll collecting tolls as part of a multilevel marketing scheme on the least profitable bridge in all of the Mucklands.
Thud
Thud is the troll in question and she’s doing her best and is earnest. She truly believes in the idea of the Toll Teller’s Guild and is trying to earn enough from this posting to move up to the next level, thus getting to go to the Intimidation Seminar.
Now, Thud is tiny, so she’s had to get creative with ways to have people take her a bit more seriously. She’s managed to craft a pair of stilts that she believes gives her some gravitas, but really it makes her look like a puppet on a stick. She also believes age (and possibly gender) is holding her back and has made a fake beard of straw and river weeds. Last, she proudly wears the vest of the Toll Tellers, but it’s clear it was made for a much larger troll and she had to stitch her own insignia from memory, and Thud doesn’t have a great memory.
The Bridge of Former Glories (Hex 36.13)
The bridge, spanning a tributary of the Blackrill, is aptly named. At one point in time this truly was a glorious bridge. It had gargoyles, carved flowers, immaculate vine work, and sturdy masonry. Now, it’s decrepit, crumbling, and most of the gargoyles can be seen in the clear water below the bridge having fallen off long ago. This bridge is the worst territory for any of the Toll Tellers and Thud is trying to change that.
There’s elaborate stonework bearing the many, many names the bridge has had over the years, most of them scratched out. Beneath them in carefully written chalk it says “Thud’s Crossing”.
As the player characters step onto the bridge, yet another chunk of masonry falls off and plops into the water (even if the bridge is still structurally sound).
The Scene
Thud waits under the bridge per the Toll Teller’s guidebook and awaits the players stepping on the bridge. Once on the bridge, she unfurls herself (atop her stilts) and climbs up to the bridge and in her deepest voice (think squeaky, but trying, likely with a crack in her voice) demands the player characters pay the toll while pointing to a neatly hand-painted wooden sign that reads: “TOLL: 1 POUCH (COPPER MINIMUM)”. (If asked, yes she did the lettering, she’s been practicing. You can see the discarded attempts under the bridge. Poor Thud has a perfectionist streak.)
If challenged, she gestures at her stilts, beard, and vest as being “quite imposing” and that they must pay or else. There’s no else and that might be really clear to your players, that’s good.
If the players pay Thud, she accepts the coins with great dignity, whips out a tiny ledger, and explains that this will help her continue to invest in her territory. She’ll mention the Toll Teller’s program and that the next step is that Intimidation Seminar she wants to attend so badly.
If the players don’t pay Thud, she yells out and tells them that this is highly irregular and will be noted (as she pulls out a much larger book and calls for their names to note down).